“I lovingly called my brother ‘White Guy’ because he had the lightest skin of our whole family. I remember him being full of joy, fun to be around, and a little stubborn with my mom. But, he was always grateful for the small care packages she sent him. It was just the two of us siblings, and with him I always felt supported.”
Deissy Valenzuela is 36 years old and for the last decade she has held onto the pain and helplessness that came with her brother’s sudden death. The crime occurred in 2007 in Buenaventura – Colombia’s most important port on the Pacific Coast and the scene of decades of armed conflict and violence.
According to the Office of Forensic Medicine, in 2007 at least 386 people died from violence, and Deissy’s brother was one of them. The violence in the port city hasn’t stopped; there are still many violent groups under different names and flags. Civilians are still their primary victims.
“Over all these years, what tormented me the most was the way that my ‘White Guy’ died. His death brought up feelings of rejection and rage inside of me. I told myself over and over again that he shouldn’t have died, it wasn’t fair.
The morning my brother died, he was picking-up a suitcase in a nearby neighborhood with one of his nieces. He was wearing light-colored pants and a white shirt. They shot him in the back, without a word or reason. When we arrived at the scene, my brother’s body was face down and he was already dead. That image remains ingrained in my memory. For many years, I struggled to accept his death and I knew deep down that was because of the way he died. So suddenly. So needlessly. And it turns out, my brother is one of many taken this way.
Some time later, we found out that my brother was killed by mistake. An armed group was on the lookout for an ‘informant’ inside their neighborhood when they spotted my brother. Coincidentally, the informant and my brother were dressed very similarly and it seems – they shot the wrong guy.”
MOURNING A VIOLENT DEATH
The circumstances around a person’s death greatly influence the way their loved ones mourn. Reliving painful scenes over and over again may impact a person’s daily life and prolong their suffering. The unexpectedness of the violence and the difficulty of giving meaning to what happened, often complicated by the lack of information about its cause, limit a loved one’s ability to follow a healthy grieving process. The consequences of this prolonged suffering have a negative impact on their lives.
“I always thought that I could face this situation alone. I never thought to ask for emotional help. I didn’t think it was important and there weren’t many mental health services in Buenaventura to begin with. When I found ACOPLE, I felt like it was a sign and an opportunity to get rid of the negative feelings inside of me. In a way, they were making me sick. I carried all of those emotions with me for many years, and I thought it was finally time to free myself and accept reality.
Therapy made me see things in a different way. It helped me understand what I was feeling and accept God’s plan. The therapy space made me feel safe to say what I was feeling. It took a huge load off of me and now I understood how important it is to ask for help and to heal from the pain of our losses. Today, I feel different. I feel like I’ve made progress and I’ve left that empty, dark place where I used to be.”
ACOPLE
The United States Agency for International Development (USAID) has supported ACOPLE (Alliance with Organizations for the Emotional) since 2011. ACOPLE offers mental health services and psychosocial support to Colombians who are victims of the armed conflict, especially in the Pacific Coast.
Over eight years, we have had the opportunity to accompany 3,209 participants in their stories of suffering and survival. They have demonstrated a tremendous capacity for resiliency and overcoming. According to the Ministry of Health, four out of 10 Colombians suffer from mental health issues, but only about 13 of 100 people use mental health services, because of access, stigma, or other factors.
With our community-based model, we have trained and empowered more than 64 Community Psychosocial Agents, who themselves are survivors of the conflict. Now, they work with their communities towards emotional rehabilitation after (and throughout) violence and conflict.
