No one is spared from loss and its various stages of grief. Though we may cycle through shock, denial, anger, and sadness, these responses tend to decrease in intensity over time. Yet, some people continue experiencing intense emotions for years after their loss, and that sustained grief can have serious cognitive, social, cultural, and spiritual effects. A person may experience emotions so severe, painful, and long-lasting that they struggle to accept their loss and resume life, especially if they do not receive support during their mourning or if they’re never given the chance to grieve at all.
Wendy Yofaydi can relate.
When violence reached Wendy’s hometown of Riosucio, she and her family fled to Quibdó, the capital of Chocó along Colombia’s Pacific Coast. Entrenched systems of inequality coupled with generations of abuse and neglect have left Chocó rife with violence, exploitation, and poverty, forcing many people like Wendy into displacement. Before violence erupted at home, life was good for Wendy. She recalls the river and the sense of freedom she felt surrounded by nature.
“We had everything we needed,” Wendy says with a tone of longing and nostalgia.
Wendy is a vibrant woman in her 30s with a sincere smile and expressive eyes, but when she talks about displacement, a sadness washes over her face. As these painful remembrances fill Wendy’s eyes with tears, she closes them, takes a deep breath, and counts down from three – a technique she learned from group therapy. Wendy then proceeds to open her eyes, crack a modest smile, and say:
“These women mean a lot to me and to all those who have participated in the group. I don’t think I
would have moved forward without their support. I’ve realized that feeling someone else’s pain, listening to them, understanding their struggle, and considering what they’ve endured, gives a person strength. I often repeat to myself: if she can do it then surely I can.”
Heartland Alliance International (HAI) began working in Colombia to address the urgent mental health needs of individuals and communities impacted by the country’s ongoing conflict and internal displacement crisis. For individuals like Wendy, the abrupt and violent matter in which they are forced to flee often robs them of the opportunity to process.
Society fails to acknowledge some types of grief, making it even more challenging to express sadness or begin to navigate the healing process. Through community-based group therapy, Wendy came to understand that everyone processes loss in their own way and on their own timeline. Fortunately, Wendy can now turn to the women she attends therapy with to remind her and others that no matter what type of loss you’ve experienced, your grief is valid, and you owe it yourself to heal.
From and alongside the women in her therapy group, Wendy learned to accept her pain and not give in to it. She realized that if she needs help, she must ask for it. Most importantly, Wendy now knows that it is possible to move past the suffering without forgetting what or whom you’ve lost. Of the many techniques she has learned, Wendy especially gravitates towards self-expression – a practice that at first caused her to breakdown into tears, but now brings relief.
Today, Wendy finds reason and strength to persevere through her daughters. “If I am well, they will be well,” she declares with absolute certainty. Wendy shares that she likes to listen to music with her daughters and center herself in the moment – be present. It’s in these everyday moments that Wendy feels at ease. She hopes to set an example of strength and hope, and share her lessons in healing with others.
